I’ve been reluctant to write this blog post because I fear someone will think: “He’s talking about me!” The reality is, I’m talking about everyone who goes to church. And trust me when I say that pastors (like me) can be guilty of grumbling and complaining too.
So, I’m going to address this because it’s in the Bible. And it’s important. And I’m going to trust that everyone will read this with an open mind, humble heart, and prayerful attitude.
The Bible is clear:
Christians aren’t supposed to grumble, complain, or sow discord in churches.
The biblical passages dealing with this are numerous. Here are just a few:
- Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)
- Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus. (Romans 15:5)
- Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10)
- I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)
- Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)
- Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (Philippians 2:2-3)
- Do all things without murmurings and disputings. (Philippians 2:14)
- Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. (Colossians 3:13)
- And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. And be at peace among yourselves. Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. (I Thessalonians 5:12-14)
- Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. (1 Peter 3:8)
Please note that all of the preceding verses (except Psalm 133:1) are about the church. The focus and context, for all the preceding passages, is how brothers and sisters in Christ should conduct themselves in the church. All of them. No exceptions (again, except for Psalm 133:1).
Does this mean it’s okay to be rude, obnoxious, or unkind to those outside the church — or to grumble and complain outside the church? Of course not. Here are two more verses that address that…
- As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:10)
- Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation. (I Peter 2:12)
As Paul and Peter make clear, we should “do good unto all men” and our conduct should be “honest” among everyone, even those outside the faith so they see our “good works.”
But our focus with this post reflects the focus of the first set of verses I shared above — church unity and our conduct within God’s church. I could have shared many more verses. For example, the entire context and focus of I Corinthians 13 (you know, the biblical passage read at weddings!) is the church!
Wait! You don’t understand. We have difficult people in our church.
Yeah, welcome to the Human Club.
And read through I Corinthians and James. Both books address that. For that matter, look in the mirror. You may be one of the most difficult people in your church – and not realize it. Frankly, I believe all churches would be better off if everyone had a healthy dose of self-awareness and humility.
The fact that people are difficult doesn’t cancel out the Bible verses listed above.
But…I don’t like how our church does things, and…
Who says the church needs to do things your way? Who says that? Who promised you that? Why is your way the standard? Why should your opinions be held sacrosanct?
The average church in America has about 65 in attendance. The church I serve is a little bigger. We have a little over 150 members and we average over 100 in attendance (in person) with a few more watching online. There are churches very close to us which number in the hundreds. And we have a couple of mega-churches close to us that are in the thousands.
Now, whether you attend a small church, medium church, or large church, here’s my question…
Why are your opinions more important than the other people who attend the church you do?
And for that matter, isn’t it God’s “opinion” that should matter the most?
But…our pastor is…
If your pastor is a false teacher, remove your pastor. If your pastor has violated the standards of the office of pastor (see I Timothy 3 and Titus 1), then your pastor needs to be held accountable — and, depending on the nature of the offenses, quite possibly removed. But…
If your pastor loves Jesus, is faithfully praying and teaching and preaching the word of God, and is abiding by the qualifications of the office of pastor (again, see I Timothy and Titus), then…
…And I know this may come off as self-serving, but here’s what the Bible says….
Love your pastor. Pray for your pastor. Encourage your pastor. And cooperate with your pastor.
That’s not my opinion. That’s what the Bible teaches:
- Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine. (1 Timothy 5:17)
- And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. And be at peace among yourselves. (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13)
- Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. (Hebrews 13:7)
- Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Hebrews 13:17)
Do you treat your pastor the way the above verses say you should?
In case anyone reading this thinks I’m targeting them, let me say, first, that this is written not just for those I serve at OBC — but for a wider audience that includes people I haven’t had the privilege of meeting. I leave it to the Holy Spirit to lead those people to this blog article who need to read it.
And let me assure you that the vast majority of people who I have served as a pastor have indeed loved and encouraged me. But the real test is when you disagree with your pastor or when you feel disgruntled or dissatisfied in church. That is the test.
Let me also say that pastors can often (humanly speaking) die from a thousand cuts over time more so than a single episode or a single recalcitrant member. Don’t be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back (or, in this case, the pastor’s back).
I’m not happy in my church. And I don’t feel I’m growing.
If that’s how you feel, here are some questions for you:
- Does your church lift up the Name of Jesus? If not, then you’re in the wrong church.
- Does your church hold to the word of God? Is it a Bible-centered church? If not, then find another church. (Or, if God leads, speak to your church leadership about this).
- How committed are you to spiritual growth in your life? You can’t outsource your push-ups. You must be about the business of prayer, fasting, and the spiritual disciplines. You must do this! You can’t just attend on Sundays and expect the church to “grow” you. It doesn’t work that way!
- How faithful are you in church? How often do you gather in corporate worship and sit under the preaching and teaching of God’s word? And are you fully engaged when you do?
- How often do you pray for your church? How often do you pray for your church leaders? for the ministries of your church? for members in the church you know have needs?
- Do you genuinely and truly love the people in your church? Do they know you love them? If not, why not?
- Do you serve in your church as much as you’re able?
- How much encouragement (or discouragement) do you spread in your church?
- Are you reaching out to get the help you might need to deal with anxieties, difficulties, challenges, etc. in your life that may be burdening you? The church is to help “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), but if you don’t reach out for help, don’t expect people to read your mind. And…
- Remember that we are supposed to also carry our own burdens (see Galatians 6:5). We may need extra help from time to time, but God wants to grow us. And as a general rule (there are admittedly a few exceptions), He doesn’t want others to carry us long-term.
The above questions will get you started. I encourage you to read through the New Testament, focusing on what the NT writers say about the church. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you whether you’re in the church He wants you to be in and if you’re doing all you are supposed to do for your spiritual growth and to help make your church as healthy as it needs to be.
But…please remember: Do not outsource your happiness to other people. Never do that. Your joy is to be found in the Lord, not in other people.
And when it comes to the church itself…
It’s easy to be a fair-weather fan. But God doesn’t want fair-weather fans in His church. And it IS God’s church. Remember that.
God will often challenge you. He will often rock your boat. He will often push you out of your Comfort Zone. What then?
Don’t be a self-oriented consumer who expects the pastor, church leaders, or church to cater to you and your opinions or your way of doing things! Don’t regard your satisfaction as the standard by which a pastor, church leader, or church is considered worthy or good.
That may be direct. It may even sound harsh, but we Americans frankly need the proverbial 2×4 upside our heads now and then. (Or, to use a more biblical metaphor, a shepherd’s staff upside our head!) The church should not be about our comfort or happiness. The church should be about God’s glory and the advancement of His kingdom!
That said, by its nature, a church is only as faithful or strong as the people who make up that church.
If you’re part of a church, you have a choice to make. You can be part of helping that church be a body that glorifies God, lifts up the Name of Jesus, and is a credit to that Name. Or…
You can be the kind of person who spreads your unhappiness, disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, and/or disenchantment to anyone who will listen.
There is only one correct, God-honoring choice — only one choice that will help your church.
Will you make it?
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