This Sunday (May 12) is Mother’s Day. Churches across America (as well as Australia, Italy, Turkey, and other countries that observe Mother’s Day on the second Sunday in May) will take time during their Sunday worship gatherings to honor moms. This Mother’s Day Weekend affords us an opportunity to ask a fundamental question:
What does it mean to honor our parents?
The Bible is explicit that we should honor our parents. It’s one of the Ten Commandments.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12, NKJV)
The word “honor” (כַּבֵּד, kabeid) is derived from the root כבד (kbd), which fundamentally means “to be heavy, weighty.” In a figurative sense, it conveys significance or worth. To honor someone, therefore, is to treat them as carrying weight or significance. The command to honor one’s parents suggests recognizing their importance and treating them with the respect and dignity that such importance deserves.
I don’t have the space in this article to delve into the nature of the promise. Suffice it to say that the promise in Exodus 20:12 is best understood as both a moral principle and a covenantal promise to the nation of Israel. Since we today are not part of the covenantal children of Israel operating under the Law of Moses, we shouldn’t see this as an absolute guarantee of individual longevity for ourselves. But (even though we are now in 2024), the Fifth Commandment’s promise still serves as a principle that, when followed, contributes to personal and collective well-being.
For now, the main thing I want us to see is this…
The Bible is clear that — regardless of our feelings, preferences, backgrounds, or experiences — we are to honor our parents.
“But, wait! You don’t know my parents!”
Before we elaborate on what it means to honor our parents, let’s deal with an emotional objection that increasingly comes up with this topic. What happens when parents have been abusive, negligent, or absentee? What happens if you’ve had bad parents?
If that’s your situation, my heart goes out to you. I know it’s easy to type those words, but please believe I mean them. My heart breaks for people who grew up in toxic, abusive, or dangerous homes.
Please know that your parent(s) will give an account to God for how they raised you.
If you had less than stellar parents and you find days like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to be sources of pain, please read these words…
God loves you. He sees you. He has not abandoned you.
The command to honor our parents does not mean that parents are always righteous. It also doesn’t mean that we must subject ourselves to abuse. King Saul was David’s father-in-law. David was under this command (Exodus 20:12) to honor Saul. He was also to honor Saul because Saul was the king — not just any king, but the Lord’s anointed king. So, David was most certainly commanded to honor Saul, and yet Saul was toxic, reckless, and murderous. Saul tried to kill David! Yet David honored Saul.
But…
David didn’t stay in Saul’s presence. He kept himself safe from Saul.
Sometimes, you may have to honor your parents from a distance — especially if they are a danger to your health or safety.
Nevertheless, to the extent you can, you should strive to honor your parents. That should be your default setting – just as it was David’s default setting.
As Paul the Apostle said (when dealing broadly with relationships in general)…
“Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:17-18, NKJV)
Still…
If you’ve had bad parents, I encourage you to remember and meditate on this verse…
“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take care of me.” (Psalm 27:10, NKJV)
Let’s go back to our main question…
What does it mean to honor your parents?
Well, again, the Hebrew behind “honor” refers to giving something or someone weight or significance. It’s not just about being polite and respectful. Those things are part of it, but they aren’t the whole of it.
You know if you honor your parents by how significant your parents are to you.
A person who values her mother will love her mother, respect her mother, listen to her mother, and (as she gets older) provide for and help take care of her mother. The same, of course, is true for her father.
What this looks like specifically varies depending on the stage in life.
- Children and teenagers honor their parents by loving them, respecting them, listening to them, and obeying them.
- Adult children honor their parents by loving them, respecting them, making time for them, and being a part of their lives.
- Adult children honor their aging parents by loving them, respecting them, investing time in them, helping them, and (as needed and as they are able) helping take care of them.
This was the idea behind the Fifth Commandment. Loving and honoring one’s parents is a virtue and practice that perpetuates a society. Parents take care of their children. In the future, children take care of their parents. And the cycle repeats.
This doesn’t mean that you have to do everything your parents want. Here’s a great rule of thumb when it comes to helping and supporting others in general:
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so.” (Proverbs 3:27, NKJV)
We are supposed to give “good” to people (which isn’t always what they want). Parents understand this, which is why they shouldn’t always give their children what they want, but rather what they need and what is good for them. When parents become old, the children effectively become the parents. It’s an awkward transition. What’s more…
The principle of giving what is good is based on what’s “in the power of your hand to do so.” If someone asks me for a million dollars, setting aside whether it would be “good” for me to give them a million dollars, the simple fact is… I don’t have a million dollars! It’s not within the power of my hand to give them a million bucks. In the case of your parents, you may not be able to give them all that they want.
As with just about everything, we have to balance multiple needs and considerations. That’s where wisdom comes in, which is why it’s “the principal thing” (Proverbs 4:7) and why we are supposed to ask God for it (James 1:5).
Raising children requires wisdom. Honoring parents requires wisdom.
But…
Both are responsibilities given to us humans by God.
You can’t run away from your responsibilities because they are hard. You must embrace them and ask God to give you the wisdom and the strength to handle them.
And one of those responsibilities is…
Honor your father and your mother.
God bless you!
For more of my writing, check out…
