Holding Onto Faith In the Midst of Loss

At the time I write this, the news is full of tragedy. There are the ongoing (and, in some cases, escalating) conflicts in our world. Our country has just experienced the deadliest hurricane to make landfall in the US since Katrina in 2005. And the Olney, Maryland community is in shock and grief after a terrible car accident that sent one young lady to heaven and two others to the hospital in serious condition.

The latter impacts our church. At least two of the young ladies in our church were friends with the 17-year-old girl whose life was tragically cut short.

One of the men in our church reached out to me that this tragedy reminded him of losing a cousin, also a Sherwood student, back in 1975 — in a similar car crash. The wounds are still there. The pain is still real.

I also learned this past week that one of our church members watched a friend and co-worker die in front of him, and he couldn’t save him. The incident happened a few weeks ago, but the memory is forever burned in this man’s mind. You don’t forget something like that.

Tragedy cuts deep. Pain is real. Life can sometimes be very hard — and very unfair.

In the midst of tragedy and loss, it’s often hard to make sense of things. It’s especially hard for people who put their trust in God to sometimes make sense of things.

If God is real, why is life sometimes so hard and so painful?

And why do even the good seem to suffer?

I remember the mom of one of my dear friends lamenting the loss of a friend’s husband. This was about 20 years ago. He went out for a jog, came back, sat down to rest, and died of a heart attack. He was in his early 40s. He left behind a wife and young children. I remember this woman –my friend’s mom–asking aloud why God would take a good man and husband like that. It was an especially acute question since another friend of hers had a husband who was abusive. God didn’t take him. Instead, He took the good husband of another friend.

It seemed either random or deliberately unfair.

Of course, it wasn’t that long ago when our own church endured the loss of one of our deacons to COVID. That’s a church loss I will never forget.

Let’s all acknowledge that there’s a lot of pain, tragedy, suffering, and unfair junk in our world today.

A lot.

What does that mean for our faith?

New Testament scholar Bart Ehrman once wrestled with this very question. His doubt ultimately led him away from Christianity. In his book God’s Problem, he asks, “If there is an all-powerful and loving God in this world, why is there so much excruciating pain and unspeakable suffering?”

This “problem of pain,” as Christian author C.S. Lewis termed it, is indeed one of the greatest obstacles people face when it comes to faith. The Bible, however, does not shy away from this question. In fact, from beginning to end, Scripture addresses why we live in a world filled with suffering and, more importantly, what God is doing about it.

Before we get to that, let me say this…

If you’ve experienced tragedy and loss, you have a right to your tears.

You need to take the time to grieve.

Please don’t take anything I’m about to say as being in the spirit of “Brush it off” or “Shake it off” or “Walk it off” or “Get over it.” Pain is real. And you need to take the time to process it.

Give yourself that time.

The Book of Job tells the story, of course, of a man who went through unbelievable suffering and loss. When his friends showed up, they were quiet for seven days. They just sat with him. That’s beautiful friendship.

The problem began when they started talking.

As a pastor, I would rather be Job’s friends — when they kept their mouth shut! Sometimes, the best thing to say is NOTHING.

That’s why Paul says “Weep with those who weep.”

So, the important thing I want to convey to you is…

If you’re hurting, God loves you.

And, for what it’s worth, so do I.

Nothing I say in this article should be read as a lecture or even as a lesson. I just want to share from my heart how God helped me process the reality of pain in this world.

And this isn’t academic for me. I’ve shared some of my testimony before. I’ve had my share of pain and struggles too — both parents dying young, a sister with autism and severe mental disability (from birth), a son who had brain surgery before he was two, friends who have gone through some terrible losses. And, as a pastor, I’ve walked with families through some dark valleys.

Believe me. I know pain. I know loss.

This subject is not “academic” for me. It’s real. And I’m not preaching down to you or at you. I’m sharing from my heart how God has helped me better understand this life we’re living.

In that spirit… if you’ll give me a few minutes of your time, I would be honored. Here we go…

Here’s a word I would ask you to meditate on…

EXPECTATIONS

Your expectations in life will dramatically influence how at peace you are in this life and how successfully you can make your way through life.

Think about the expectations you have of your parents, children, siblings, other family members, friends, co-workers, bosses, church family, neighbors, community, politicians, and so forth. I guarantee that your attitude, spirit, and outlook in life – and in your relationships – are directly commensurate with your expectations.

I guarantee it.

So, let me ask you…

What are your expectations of God?

Seriously. Please ponder that question, and answer it honestly. What do you expect from God? And what is the basis of your expectations?

Here’s a good rule of thumb…

Don’t base your expectations of others on what you need or want.

You’re likely to be disappointed.

Base your expectations on what is real. And when it comes to God, you have to pay attention to what He actually has said.

You and I don’t want a life of suffering. But God tells us that is precisely what we’re going to have in this life. No one wants to hear that. No one likes that. But… consider these words from Job…

“Man, that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.”
Job 14:1

Yeah, I know. Kind of dark, but…

The man has a point.

In the New Testament era, there were believers in Christ undergoing lots of pain and persecution. In many cases, they were suffering because they were Christians! Talk about unfair! Here is what the apostles Paul and Peter had to say to them…

“Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.” (2 Timothy 3:12)
“For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake.” (Philippians 1:29)
“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.” (1 Peter 4:12)

Jesus is even more direct. He told His disciples at the Last Supper that “in the world,” they “shall have tribulation.” His exact words…

“In the world ye shall have tribulation…”
–part of John 16:33

This isn’t His full statement. I’ll get to the rest of John 16:33 in a moment, but please focus on the words above. Please let them sink in. And please let these words adjust and inform your expectations.

In this world, you shall have tribulation.

Why? Well, according to the Bible, sin is the root cause of suffering. Paul writes to the Romans: “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned” (Romans 5:12).

In short, suffering is a result of sin entering the world. It was not God’s original design for us, but a consequence of mankind’s rebellion against Him. Paul also makes it clear that no one is exempt from this. “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10), and “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

That means even “good” people fall short of God’s glory. Therefore, even “good” people fall under the penalty of sin. That penalty includes pain, suffering, and death for our physical bodies – and spending time in a world in which we are surrounded by loss and tragedy.

A skeptic or critic will, at this point, argue that this is unfair and nonsenical. They will mock the Bible or roll their eyes. Even some Christians may not like this or be tempted to walk away, but let me ask you a simple question…

What’s the atheist explanation for suffering?

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then nothing exploded into something and that something evolved over billions of years to the complex forms of life we see today. But, yeah, there’s chaos and suffering and pain. And then you die. And that’s that.

Yeah, that sells.

Not!

Before you let yourself wander from the Bible because you don’t like what it says, at least make sure you understand what it says. And take time to understand what your options are.

The reality is…

We exist in a world of suffering. Only the Bible has a coherent explanation for why.

And only the Bible offers clear, unequivocal, powerful hope to get through it.

Doubt me? Go research the other religions – and then come back and we’ll talk. You’ll see that I’m right.

Because of sin, we live in a broken, fallen world. The effects of that sin are everywhere, from the curse of the ground (Genesis 3:17-19) to the pain of childbirth and family struggles (Genesis 3:16). We experience sickness, sorrow, and ultimately death. But God has not left us without hope.

That brings us to rest of John 16:33…

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

This world is not our home. We don’t draw our meaning, purpose, and ultimate fulfillment from this world. Our hope rests with Jesus. He is the One who experienced pain, suffering, and death — and overcame it! No other “god” or messianic figure or religious leader conquered death!

So, I’m going to put my hope in Jesus.

How about you?

None of this, of course, completely takes away the pain. It’s not supposed to. If you lose a family member or friend, you shouldn’t want all the pain to just go away. If there is no pain, what does that say about your relationship?

I still mourn the loss of family and friends that have passed on to the other side. I mourn them because I miss them. I’m glad I miss them. What would it say about me if I didn’t?

Let me encourage you not to see pain as an enemy. Pain is a messenger. It lets you know that something is hurting. And, when it comes to loss, it lets you know that something dear has been taken away.

There is nothing wrong with pain or emotion. Remember…Jesus wept!

But our sorrow need not be a hopeless sorrow. I remember my pastor telling me that when my dad died. We sorrow, but ours is not a hopeless sorrow.

We sorrow with faith. And we look forward to the hope – or, I should say, Hope. It is the Hope who is Jesus that makes possible the promise of this verse…

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18

In the midst of our suffering, the Bible points us back to God as our source of hope. Even though “the wages of sin is death,” Paul reminds us that “the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23). This means that although suffering exists in this life, God has provided a way out through Jesus.

Jesus, in his conversation with Nicodemus, made it clear that God’s love for the world was demonstrated in the giving of His Son: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

Our ultimate hope is not in this broken world but in the salvation and eternal life offered through Christ. Paul also assures us that if we confess with our mouth and believe in our heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, we will be saved (Romans 10:9). This is the heart of the Christian message: our hope is found in the resurrection and eternal life through Christ.

If you’ve lost someone – friend or relative, recent or long ago – pain is not the enemy. You need to take the time to prayerfully and properly process that pain, getting the help and support you need from godly and wise counsel. It’s okay to shed tears. It’s okay to grieve.

But you can do these things in the presence and company of your Creator. You can turn to Him in prayer. Don’t let the pain of this life turn you away from the One who is responsible for your life. And who loves you enough to send His Son to lay down His life for you.

Turn toward God in pain, not away from Him.

May the God of Peace comfort you and strengthen you.

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