Why do pastors, as an occupation group, have alarmingly high rates of depression, obesity, anxiety-related health problems, divorce, and loneliness? I believe that, in virtually all cases, the reason comes down to their inability to meet the expectations of the congregations they serve — and the grief they often catch because of it!
Before I go any further, I want to make something very clear: I love being a pastor. And I love the people I currently serve as a pastor. The purpose of this article isn’t to vent or complain. It’s simply to point to something that I believe is affecting the American church landscape in ways most people don’t even realize. And if we don’t address this problem, it will continue to hurt untold numbers of churches, break apart families, and drive many pastors out of the ministry.
And here is the problem… in small to mid-size churches across America, the needs, preferences, and demands of church members far exceed the capacity of pastors to meet them.
In single-pastor churches, pastors (or elders) are expected not only to prepare and deliver quality sermons and lessons, but also to lead/facilitate the various church ministries and activities, evangelize in the community, conduct most (if not all) of the visits (especially hospital and shut-in visits), counsel those in need or crisis, mediate conflicts, be available when people want to just talk or “catch up,” prepare for and preside over church business meetings (as well as many committee meetings), supervise the staff (if any), and more.
In some cases (thankfully not with either of the churches I’ve served), pastors are also expected to mow the lawn, do building maintenance, and various other things that have nothing to do with the pastoral call.
Giving voice to the cries he’s heard from many pastors, LifeWay CEO Thom Rainer described the average church – pastor relationship as the following: “Many church members have a priority about where I should be: meetings, dinners, church events, hospital visits, home visits, and many more. The problem is that everyone has a different priority. And sometimes church members forget that I have my own family. Please understand my limitations on being in so many places.”
I personally am blessed to serve a wonderful congregation, but this strain affects me at times as well. There have been many days where I’ve sat back, considered all the requests, needs, and (sometimes) demands that I get from church members (and church leaders) via calls, emails, texts, and so forth in addition to the other responsibilities on my plate — and I go numb. There often is no conceivable way I can meet all those needs and requests — and still have time to attend to my other responsibilities as a pastor, let alone my responsibilities as a husband and father.
Of course, churches don’t just expect a high quantity output from their pastors; they want a high quality output as well. Indeed, church members sometimes have ridiculous expectations of their pastors.
In his book The Disciple-Making Church, Bill Hull sarcastically describes the dissatisfied average church member complaining about her pastor’s shortcomings: “He doesn’t preach as well as Chuck Swindoll, counsel like James Dobson, care for others the way Mother Teresa does, manage like Peter Drucker, and motivate like Ronald Reagan.” Hull explains that many “hurting, broken pastors have been driven out of the ministry by such unreasonable congregational demands.”
Expecting your pastor to excel in all areas of ministry means that you expect him to have all the spiritual gifts! Where in the Bible does it say that pastors have all the spiritual gifts?
Hull concedes that “most congregations would deny they expect such performance.” That’s true, but as Hull notes, “If you tabulate corporate expectations, they spell impossible.” You personally and specifically may have reasonable expectations of your pastor, but what about the other members of the church? And even if all the members have reasonable expectations, do all those expectations, when added together, represent a reasonable sum?
You may consider it highly reasonable, for example, that the pastor visit you while you’re in the hospital. But what if five other church members are in the hospital the same week? And what if, at the same time, a marriage in the church is breaking up? And a conflict has erupted between two church families? And what if all that is happening while the pastor is getting little sleep and is dealing with some health issues? And let’s not even talk about what might be happening in the pastor’s own family.
This problem, which in my view, has reached crisis proportions for many American churches, offers no easy answers. People have needs. Sometimes, those needs are deep and painful. And church members come in a variety of shapes and sizes, particularly as it relates to emotional health and spiritual maturity. There is no quick fix, but…
The problem is real. And those in the church who are more spiritually mature need to step up and be part of the solution.
And that solution will only come as we look to the Bible for insights and answers.
Consider our expectations themselves. Why is it we assume or expect the pastor should visit everyone who has a need whenever they have one? Where is that in the Bible? Here’s the answer: It’s not.
The average person doesn’t base his or her expectations on what the Bible teaches, but rather on his or her personal needs — or the needs of their family.
According to the Bible, the congregation (not the pastor) is to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6). No apostle taught that pastors are to carry the burdens of the entire flock. And yet churches across America expect this. And both they and their pastors are paying the price via burnout, frustration, acrimony, and (in the end) unmet needs.
In my own case, I’ve often neglected family, friends, and neighbors. I hardly even know most of my neighbors and those I do know sometimes only get a brief hello or greeting. I’ve lost complete touch with some family and friends.
Why?
Because being a pastor quite often takes most of my time and (some days) drains virtually all of my energy.
And, again, it’s not just me. I know of many pastors who face the same reality week after week. And they and their families – and their friends – suffer for it.
Don’t get me wrong. I serve an amazing congregation full of wonderful people. And the church I served previously was likewise a wonderful congregation. I love the people God has privileged me to serve.
What’s more, I understand that people come to church with needs and often with brokenness. And I count myself honored to be a part of their lives.
My appeal isn’t to push people away from me (or from any pastor), but rather to simply ask that people understand, and work with, the limitations of pastors. And to ask that they reevaluate, in prayer and according to the Scriptures, what it is they should expect from the local church and from the local pastor.
In the post-Industrial Age 20th century, American Christians became accustomed to the small church complete with care-giving pastors who functioned more like chaplains than pastors. Typifying Norman Rockwell images of simpler times, these chaplain-pastors regularly visited every member family, paying particular attention to the elderly, the widows, the shut-ins, and those in the hospitals and nursing homes. And this is the kind of pastor preferred by most small, tradition-oriented, congregationally-governed, evangelical churches in America today.
The problem isn’t that these things are bad. Churches should practice visitation. They should pay attention to the elderly, the widows, the shut-ins, and those in the hospital or in nursing homes. Churches should do these things. And more.
And that’s the point. Churches should do these things. Pastors are a part of the church. They are, in fact, the leaders of the church. But they are not the church. Members must not look to the pastor as a solo care provider or as the manager of a customer service operation. Doing so will only lead to frustration and pain — for everyone concerned.
Here’s the bottom line: If you’re expecting your pastor to be able to teach, preach, counsel, lead, manage, supervise, mediate, evangelize, smile, juggle, sing, dance, and Lord knows what else (and all at a high level) and… to also click with every single church member to every member’s emotional satisfaction, then let me say this plainly:
Your expectations in that case are not only unrealistic and unbiblical, but you are setting your pastor and yourself up for anxiety, fear, frustration, and disaster.
No one in the church, including the pastor, can be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for any member who has an emotional crisis or heavy spiritual need. No one can mend every broken heart, comfort everyone dealing with grief, address every mental health challenge, or help steer every family or individual through whatever trouble they are in. And no one can “click” with everyone in the church, everyone who visits the church, and everyone in the mission field.
No one.
Not the pastor. Not the deacons. Not your Bible study leader or Sunday school teacher. No one. And yet…
The needs are there.
We need spiritual comfort. And some need that comfort desperately.
But we can’t look for that comfort in the church or in the pastor.
It’s true that we need a Comforter who can is All-Powerful, All-Knowing, and Everywhere Present. We need a Comforter who has Limitless Energy and is Always Available. We absolutely, positively need such a Comforter. And guess what, we have such a Comforter. It’s NOT your pastor. It’s not ANY pastor. The Comforter is the Holy Spirit.
Jesus left the Holy Spirit to give us comfort, peace, joy, and guidance 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. He left pastors to “equip the saints for the work of the ministry.”
We get into trouble, and we run our pastors into the ground, when we try to get the benefits of the Holy Spirit from human beings who were never intended to provide such benefits – and who themselves need the Holy Spirit.
Let your pastor be the pastor. And let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit.
And never confuse the two.
God bless you!
