As a pastor, I try to help all those I can. I consider it a privilege to be invited into people’s lives and to be given the opportunity to pray with them, encourage them, and perhaps offer them some Bible-based wisdom. But there are times when what I can offer is insufficient and the person needs more.
That people, including church-going Christians, might need more than what a pastor can provide shouldn’t surprise anyone. Three times in the book of Proverbs, we’re told that we sometimes need more than one source of wisdom.
- Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)
- Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22)
- For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 24:6)
The book of Proverbs is of course the greatest treasure trove of wise sayings in human history. The book repeatedly makes clear that wisdom is essential to life. And that we should continually seek out more knowledge and wisdom. And three times, we’re told that there are benefits (sometimes crucial benefits) in a “multitude of counselors.”
Note that Proverbs doesn’t commend a “multitude of opinions.” Opinions are a dime a dozen. Proverbs tells us we should seek a “multitude of counselors,” meaning people qualified to give us wise counsel.
Here’s a verse from the very first chapter in Proverbs:
A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels. (Proverbs 1:5
Don’t just seek out opinions. Seek out wisdom. And seek out wisdom from qualified sources.
While there might be some exceptions to this next statement … I believe I can say that, as a general rule, the more wise counselors you can get access to, the better.
Again, this assumes these counselors are indeed qualified as wise counselors.
Unfortunately, when I encourage people to seek out a “multitude of counselors” who are qualified to provide knowledge and wisdom in the areas of emotional or mental health, I often run into one of three possible obstacles:
- They are unwilling to get professional counseling
- They are unable or (more often) too cheap to commit to professional counseling
- They are theologically misled or confused about professional counseling
Allow me to take each obstacle in turn:
Unwillingness to Get Counseling
The number one reason people in need of counseling decline or fail to get counseling is they don’t think they need it. So here’s a dose of truth for you:
Everyone needs wise counsel from time to time in their lives. Everyone. And if you don’t accept this, then it shows your pride and ignorance. And remember what the Bible says about pride…
- When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)
- Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. (Proverbs 13:10)
- Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)
Unless you are all-knowing (and you’re not), you’re going to need help from time to time in life. There’s no shame in admitting this. There is shame in not.
Fine, you say, I need wisdom, but do I need professional counseling? The main difference between professional counseling versus what could be called “lay” counseling (which is basically casual or everyday counseling) is this…
The person who offers professional counseling has been trained and (if licensed and/or certified) vouched for by their peers.
Do you need counseling from a licensed and/or certified expert?
Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you find yourself unable to overcome or satisfactorily navigate whatever challenges, addictions, problems, or pain you are faced with, you may need professional counseling. This is especially true if you’ve already tried lay counseling.
The same is true if you find yourself stuck — in your life, career, marriage, or whatever — and you can’t seem to move forward. You may need professional counseling.
Another reason many people who need counseling fail to get counseling is they don’t understand the nature of counseling. The term “counseling” may be intimidating to some, but it shouldn’t be. Just about every industry has consultants. These are professional “counselors” trained to offer knowledge and wisdom in certain areas of production, supply, or business operations. If companies need consultants, why is it weird or awkward for couples, parents, or individuals to recognize that they may periodically need some knowledge and wisdom to help them move forward in life?
There are many forms of counseling and types of counselors. These range from psychologists and psychiatrists to therapists and from clergy to support groups. And more. The laws and regulations governing counseling practices vary from country to country and (if in America) state to state. You will need to do your research. A good place to start is with your doctor. Explain your situation to her or him, and see what they recommend.
Since this is a ministry blog and I’m a pastor, then obviously let me say that you can talk with your pastor. However, it’s important to keep in mind that not all pastors are trained to do professional-level counseling. More on this when we get to the theological concerns over counseling. But your pastor, if he deems your situation warrants professional-level counseling, should be able to refer you to an appropriate counselor or ministry to get you started.
When you get counseling, it doesn’t mean you’re helpless or hopeless. It’s not a sign of weakness — at least not in any unusual sense. What I mean is that we are all “weak” in certain areas and/or at certain times in our lives. Human beings, by our nature, aren’t invincible. We all have gaps, vulnerabilities, or areas that need improvement. And it demonstrates both self-awareness and courage for you to acknowledge the areas in your life where you might need a little extra hand — and then get that help.
Cost of Counseling
Professional counseling takes time and money. And, for many, this is an obstacle.
You can get generally get free counseling from a friend or co-worker, but remember the adage: “You get what you pay for.”
In some cases, the money obstacle is (let’s be honest) not really a legitimate concern.
Years ago, I was working with a couple — especially the husband — to help them repair their marriage. Though I suggested professional counseling (to supplement whatever pastoral help I could give), they never stayed consistent with the counseling. There were various excuses given (“She didn’t like counselor X. I didn’t like counselor Y.”), but the one that really got me was the husband complaining to me at one point how he didn’t like paying for multiple sessions. He didn’t want to pay for ongoing counseling.
Many people (such as the guy I referenced above), want the “quick fix” and aren’t willing to pay for ongoing treatment. Well, sorry. Here’s a dose of reality…
Things that are worthwhile often take time.
You can’t expect years and years of problems to be fixed in one or two sessions! And frankly, you’re being utterly foolish to expect otherwise. It takes time, energy, and (yes) money to work with a professional to help untangle and unravel the dynamics of your particular situation — and if we’re talking marriage or family counseling, then your spouse’s, child’s, or parent’s situation as well.
That takes time. And hard work. And, yes, it takes money.
Now, to be fair, in some cases, the financial obstacle may be legitimate. Some people face difficult financial circumstances. Some people struggle to make ends meet as it is, and paying for a counselor might mean going without some other necessity in their lives. I’m not a financial advisor, but if the above paragraph describes you, then let me make a few suggestions:
- Go through your monthly budget. Do you have one? If not, now is a good time to put one together. As you review your budget, look to see if you can make any changes (temporary or long-term) to get the money you need. Perhaps you can give up cable TV for 2-3 months. Or maybe you can negotiate with your credit card company to reduce your payments for a few months. Be honest. There’s usually an area (or two) where you can make some adjustments to free up extra money.
- Talk with your insurance company and find out what’s covered when it comes to counseling.
- See if your employer offers any kind of counseling coverage.
- Talk with your pastor or deacon. It’s possible your church may be able to help a little.
- Talk with family. Most families support one another. Maybe you need to ask your parents (for example) for a financial gift or loan to help cover some counseling costs. It may be that they will be happy to hear you want to get help.
- See if you can work out a payment plan or some suitable arrangement with your counselor.
Counseling can be financially tough for some, but remember… It’s an investment in your health and in your relationships (either directly or indirectly)? Is your health and are your relationships worth the investment of time and money?
Theological Confusion Over Counseling
Some Christians do not believe in counseling or therapy – at least not outside the church.
Years ago, I was helping a woman in our church who had a number of things going on. One of her many challenges required legal expertise. Since there were no attorneys in our church, I reached out to some pastors to get some referrals. In a few days, I was sitting in a conference room with this church member and two Christians who were attorneys (one active and one retired).
At one point in the meeting, after the church member had excused herself, one of the attorneys proceeded to tell me how he didn’t approve of my wanting to include a mental health professional in my suggested treatment plan for this church member — even though the professional in question was from a Christian counseling ministry.
The basis of his objection was his belief that the Bible was sufficient for all mental and emotional health issues. The Scriptures alone are enough, he told me. She doesn’t need anything else.
I chose to be respectful and polite, even though these thoughts came to mind:
- “You just offered her legal advice that, if I’m not mistaken, isn’t in the Bible. So… what gives?”
- “Tell me, when you went to law school, did you read any textbook other than the Bible?”
- “If I need to see a doctor, can I see one who went to medical school? Or do I need to limit myself to tent revivalists or seminary theologians who of course read only the Bible?”
- “You drove here in a car, I see. Was that car built according to the Scripture alone?”
More thoughts came to mind too. But you get the idea.
This is one of those issues that gets my blood pumping. As one of my friends says: “It frosts my cookies.”
Christians – even seemingly intelligent Christians – can be downright STUPID!
And their stupidity has confused and hurt a lot of people.
Let me be abundantly clear…
I am pro-Bible. The Bible is the word of God. It is inspired, inerrant, and infallible. (Side note: I’ll go further and say that my favorite translation is the classic King James Version, which is based on what I believe is the most dependable manuscript family behind our English translations, and that is Textus Receptus. So, I’m not just pro-Bible. I’m pro-KJV Bible. But that’s for another article). Trust me: I’m all in on the Bible!
And I’m what you would call “theologically conservative” when it comes to my approach to the Bible.
At the same time…
I try not to be an idiot.
I try not to be stupid.
And here’s what the Bible says about itself…
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.
II Timothy 3:16-17
This was written by Paul to Timothy, who was serving as the lead pastor in Ephesus. So, when Paul refers to “the man of God,” the original reference was to church pastors or elders. That’s the context. Now, we can certainly extrapolate from that the following logical extension, which is…
If the Scripture is good enough for pastors, it’s good enough for non-pastors too.
Okay? But…
Let’s not lose sight of the original intent of this passage. It’s Paul telling Timothy that he should preach and teach from “Scripture” (the sacred writings we now have collected and preserved in our Bibles). And Paul is telling Timothy that the “Scripture” (or, the Bible) is “profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction” and “for instruction in righteousness.”
Note what Paul doesn’t say.
He doesn’t say the Bible is intended for dentistry, home construction, chemistry, city planning, military strategy, medicine, or surgery. And while the Bible does speak to aspects of mental and emotional health (and we should absolutely pay attention to those things), the Bible doesn’t speak to ALL aspects of mental or emotional health.
Some will accuse me, no doubt, of heresy for saying that. But I refer you back to my statement that some Christians can (sadly) be rather stupid. 🙁
I have a special needs sister. She was diagnosed with autism at a very young age. I love her with all my heart and want her to get the best care possible. Please show me in the Bible the specific treatment approach for autistic people. Feel free to put your answer in the comments.
And, no, I’m not asking for the general principles of how we should treat those with special needs. That’s obvious. The principles of “Love your neighbor” and the Golden Rule certainly apply. But those are general principles. There are no specifics applicable to my sister’s autism from those principles.
And that’s my point!
The same is true for my son’s hydrocephalus. If you don’t know what that is, you can look it up. And, guess what? You won’t find it in the Bible!
There are a lot of things not covered in the Bible. Does this make the Bible flawed? OF COURSE NOT!
God inspired the Bible to be the Bible! And God succeeded PERFECTLY in making the Bible be what the Bible was supposed to be. There are no flaws. No shortcomings. No inadequacies.
The Bible is perfect.
But it’s perfect as the Bible!
It’s not intended to be a math textbook or a psychology textbook or a blueprint on how to build cars or airplanes or how to split the atom!
It infuriates me that some Christian leaders, in their ignorance (or worse), are sowing confusion and acrimony in the minds of people who need professional counseling – but are afraid to get it because they feel they are going against the Bible if they do.
There are hurting people out there — people reeling from abuse, tragedy, trauma, addictions, and a host of other issues. There are people who need help to overcome their past, work through identity confusion, repair their marriages, or get their lives moving forward. There are people who need help. And in many cases, they need professional help. And yet…
There are Christian leaders, preachers, and everyday loudmouths out there waving their Bibles in the air, screaming “The Scripture alone!” and condemning anything they don’t understand.
Lest I be misunderstood, I’m not saying we should put the Bible aside. We absolutely should NOT do that. On the contrary, the Bible should be the preeminent book in our lives. And…
If there’s ever something in one of the other books or sources we consult which goes AGAINST the teachings of the Bible … we go with the Bible!
But the Bible says there’s “safety in the multitude of counselors.” Therefore, it is CONSISTENT with the Bible’s teachings for me to consult with mental health experts when it comes to my sister and her needs. And it’s biblically consistent (and God-honoring) for my wife and me to have consulted with neurosurgeons on my son’s condition (which we did).
And years ago, when I was struggling with some intense (and hateful) criticism and personal attacks, I talked with a licensed counselor (who was also a Christian and a pastor). And it was entirely appropriate for me to do so.
Okay, fine, you say. But isn’t the pastor supposed to counsel me? I mean, isn’t that the pastor’s job?
Chances are that your pastor can provide a basic level of support and encouragement. Most pastors are capable of (and more than willing to) do the following:
- Pray for you
- Pray with you
- Listen to you
- Share some Bible verses with you
- Offer some Bible-based encouragement
But if you need more than that (and many do), then don’t be surprised or offended if the pastor refers you to someone else.
To use a medical analogy, picture your pastor as your general practitioner doctor. Pastors (especially small church pastors) have to be generalists. And when situations exceed a general practitioner’s knowledge or experience, it’s time to bring in the specialists.
Some pastors are spiritually gifted and trained counselors. In fact, some pastors are licensed counselors. What’s more, you’ll find some pastors are specialists in various areas of counseling. A good friend of mine, for example, has a Ph.D. in premarital counseling.
If you’re able to line up a trained, specialist-type pastor who can provide the type of counseling you need for your situation, that’s wonderful. It’s awesome.
But please manage your expectations and be reasonable with your pastor.
Don’t expect the pastor of your local church to have all the spiritual gifts and be an expert in everything!
Wrapping Up
Bringing this article (longer than I intended for it to be) in for a landing 🙂 …
There’s no reason for you to have theological concerns or objections to getting counseling. That said, make sure that the counselor you do select shares your faith and has a deep respect for the Bible. Make sure the advice and counsel you receive are consistent with the Bible.
What’s more, don’t let money issues stop you from getting the help you need. You may need to be creative, and it may take time to make the necessary arrangements to get the counseling help you need. But your health and relationships are worth it.
And don’t let pride or ignorance stop you. We all need more knowledge and wisdom, and some of us need a little extra help now and then.
Bottom line: There’s no shame in getting professional help. If there’s any cause for shame, it’s in knowing you need help and refusing to ask for it.
If you need an extra helping hand, reach out and take it.
