Have you ever sat through a sermon that you absolutely, positively didn’t like or agree with? Chances are, if you’ve been in church for any length of time, the answer is yes.
Hopefully, no member of Olney Baptist Church will chime in the comments with “Yeah, all the time!” 🙂
Still, I’m sure — indeed, I know — that I sometimes say things in my sermons that OBC members or guests might not agree with (or at least might wish I had said differently). And, to be sure, there have been times when I’ve been wrong. I remember a couple of occasions over my pastoral ministry when I’ve had to go back and correct myself.
The truth is, at some point, you will likely find yourself sitting through a sermon that stirs in you a sense of discomfort or disagreement — if not outright objection or anger. Maybe the preacher has touched on a sensitive topic, said something off the cuff or in anger, or perhaps challenged a deeply held belief. The question is, what do you do?
How do you handle it if you don’t like or agree with a sermon?
When I was a teacher, I didn’t grade tests based on how I felt about the students’ answers — or whether I clicked with their personalities. I graded based on whether the students had the correct answer. So, the first thing you need to do is separate content from delivery.
You can always critique a preacher’s delivery style or approach. That’s the case with any public speaker. And that’s fine. Sometimes, the preacher or speaker may thank you for it — if, that is, you give that person the opportunity to hear your constructive critique.
The point is, there’s a difference between the content and the delivery of that content. The latter is important, but what’s most important is the former.
If you hear a sermon you don’t like or agree with, it’s essential to recall the approach of the Bereans in the Book of Acts. The Bereans were noble not because they passively accepted every word spoken by Paul and Silas, but because they actively engaged with the teachings presented to them. Luke writes: “These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.” (Acts 17:11, KJV).
The Bereans’ nobility lay in their eagerness to learn combined with their diligent commitment to verify what they were learning against the Scriptures.
So, here is a suggested step-by-step approach for how to handle it when you hear a sermon you don’t like or agree with…
Step One: Pray
Start with prayer. Always start with prayer. Ask God to check your heart (Psalm 139:23-24) and give you wisdom (James 1:5) on how to proceed. He may tell you to let it go. If that’s the case… let it go. But if He leads you to take it to the next step, then…
Step Two: Examine the Scriptures
If possible, go back and listen to the sermon again — or at least the part(s) that bothered you. Then, examine the Scriptures that the pastor or preacher spoke from. Remember, the primary question isn’t necessarily whether we like or agree with what’s preached, but whether the sermon aligns with biblical truth. Our personal preferences or discomforts should not be the measure of a sermon’s worth.
Like the Bereans, our first step should be to consult the Bible. Does the teaching harmonize with the broader counsel of Scripture? This kind of scriptural engagement not only deepens our understanding but also guards us against potential error.
Step Three: Engage in Dialogue
If questions or concerns persist after your own study, consider reaching out to your pastor (or whoever preached the message). Asking for a meeting to discuss your thoughts can be incredibly fruitful.
Speaking as a pastor myself, I wish more people would do this. Without naming names, I remember several years ago, a family abruptly left our church because of something I said in one or more of my sermons. The husband did send a couple of emails – the first one was quite terse, the second was a kinder follow-up but was still vague and merely reiterated his decision to take his family out of the church. At no point did this family extend to me the courtesy of reaching out with concerns or questions. They just left.
On another occasion, I remember preaching and a woman getting upset by something I said – it wasn’t anything doctrinal. It was me describing something that happened in Scripture. She and her husband never came back. No communication. No opportunity to discuss. Just gone.
These are just two examples, yet this is a pattern in churches. I’ve had other similar experiences over the years. And many of my pastor friends have had similar experiences as well.
It shouldn’t be this way. Jesus is clear — If your brother offends you, go to him (see Matthew 18). Is your pastor not your brother? Besides, isn’t the local church supposed to be a family? Do you just up and leave when a family member says something you don’t like or agree with — never even giving the opportunity for clarification or reconciliation?
You can’t go wrong with open, honest, humble, biblically-based communication.
When you meet to discuss a sermon, approach this meeting with humility and openness, bringing your Bible along as a foundation for the discussion. Remember, the goal of such a conversation is not to prove a point but to seek greater understanding and to foster a spirit of submission to God and unity within His community.
Dialogue Tips:
- Prepare Your Questions: Before the meeting, clearly articulate your concerns and where they stem from. This preparation will help you have a focused and meaningful conversation.
- Listen Actively: Just as you want your concerns to be heard, give your pastor the same courtesy. He might offer a perspective you hadn’t considered.
- Pray for Wisdom: Before, during, and after your meeting, pray that both you and your pastor receive wisdom and grace from God to discuss your differences respectfully and constructively.
Step Four: Reflect and Pray
After your personal study and any discussions with the pastor (or elder or guest preacher), spend some time in reflection and prayer. Ask God to clarify your understanding and to help you grow through the experience.
Handling Disagreement
It’s possible that after all your efforts, you might still disagree with the sermon. At this juncture, it’s important to assess the nature of the disagreement. Is it a matter of core doctrine or a secondary issue? Major doctrinal disagreements may require more serious consideration and counsel, possibly affecting your long-term relationship with the church. In contrast, differences in opinions or interpretations on secondary matters should be navigated with grace, humility, and flexibility.
It should be noted that I’ve only had a few problems over the years. The people I pastored in Ohio and those I’ve pastored in Maryland are wonderful. But I do believe that Christians overall need to see church more like a family and their pastors more like family members — family leaders, yes…. but still family!
And, ultimately….
Church shouldn’t be about us hearing what we want to hear. It should be about hearing what God wants us to hear.
God bless you!
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