Is it a Sin to Have Sex Before Marriage?

Is it wrong to have sex before marriage? If two consenting adults want to have sex but aren’t married, is that a sin? There are a lot of opinions about this, and talking about is like walking into a minefield!

Here’s my personal opinion… I’d rather not talk or write about it. Few people approach this with an open mind or a dispassionate spirit. By its nature, sex is passionate, so emotions run high. Sex is also (at least for most people) very private, and thus, it feels very intrusive to even bring it up.

But… I’m a pastor.

It’s my calling to explain to people what the Bible says about things like this, and (as necessary) to “reprove, rebuke, and exhort” (see II Timothy 4:2). It’s my responsibility to watch over people’s souls (see Hebrews 13:18). So…here we are.

You can’t deny that sex is a big deal. You also can’t deny that sex — or the mishandling of it — has caused a lot of pain and problems for people over the years. That’s kind of an understatement, in fact.

Now, I’ve written on the subject of sex before (see here and here), but I want to zero in on the question of premarital sex. I hope you will readily agree that extra-marital sex is wrong. The Bible couldn’t be clearer in its condemnation of adultery. I also hope you will agree that non-consensual sex (the “r” word) is wrong. Egregious, in fact. As is every form of sexual harassment, assault, or abuse.

I hope I don’t need to address those items. So, let’s talk about premarital sex.

I grew up in a very strict theologically conservative environment, so this wasn’t even a question. At the Christian school I attended as well as the fundamentalist Baptist church in which I was raised, it was repeatedly made clear that premarital sex was a sin.

When I became a pastor, though, I was surprised how many Christians — churchgoing Christians, in fact — don’t agree that premarital sex is a sin or they completely ignore it.

Now, lest I be misunderstood…

I’m not writing this in any kind of spirit of condemnation. David was a man after God’s own heart, and he was a polygamist, adulterer, and of course murderer. What you’ll notice, if you read his story in the Bible, God seems to let David get away with polygamy. It’s only when David takes Bathsheba and then murders her husband that God calls him to account.

But it’s not just David. Several of the biblical patriarchs were polygamists. Of course, there’s Solomon who took polygamy to a whole new level – amassing 700 wives and 300 concubines.

I say all this not to suggest God approved of this. He didn’t. But He did show grace and mercy. And that’s what I want to show here. I don’t want to be the kind of pulpit-pounding, Bible-thumping preacher who growls at anyone in the church who is living in sin.

My spirit here is to speak the truth in love.

If you disagree with me, I still love you. I just ask that you go to the Scriptures yourself to see if what I’m saying is incorrect. Don’t base your disagreement simply on your opinion or on your flesh. Let’s make God’s Word the standard. Fair enough?

Okay…here we go…

What Does the Bible Say?

To be sure, if you’re looking for a specific verse that says, “Thou shalt not have premarital sex,” you’re not going to find it.

But that doesn’t mean the Bible is silent or unclear. It’s not.

The biblical view of sex is woven through the fabric of Scripture. And at the heart of it is this: sex belongs inside a commitment (or covenant). Marriage isn’t just a social formality. It’s the God-ordained context for sexual intimacy. That’s the throughline from Genesis to Revelation.

So where does the debate come from?

Some argue that the Bible never directly condemns premarital sex. They say modern readers impose ideas onto ancient texts. They question the translation and interpretation of words like “fornication” and “sexual immorality.”

Let’s talk about that.

The Word at the Center: Porneia

The Greek word often translated as “fornication” or “sexual immorality” is porneia. It shows up repeatedly in the New Testament, and its meaning is broader than many people realize. It doesn’t refer to one narrow kind of sexual sin. It includes any kind of sexual activity outside the marriage covenant.

Jesus names it. Paul warns against it. And the early church took it seriously.

Some today try to narrow its meaning—limiting it to prostitution or exploitative relationships. But that doesn’t align with how first-century Jews or early Christians would have understood the term. For them, sex outside of marriage—any marriage—was out of bounds .

The Covenant Context

Sex in the Bible isn’t just physical. It’s covenantal.

Genesis 2:24 speaks of man and woman becoming “one flesh.” That one-flesh union was meant to be both symbolic and literal—a physical expression of a lifelong spiritual commitment.

The New Testament affirms this. Paul tells the Corinthians to “flee sexual immorality” and ties sex to covenant in 1 Corinthians 6. His solution? “Let every man have his own wife” (1 Cor. 7:2). Not a girlfriend. Not a live-in partner. A wife.

In biblical terms, marriage isn’t about a private emotional agreement. It’s a public, communal, covenantal reality. And sex is a covenant-affirming act.

What About Committed Cohabitation?

Some Christians argue that if a couple is committed and considers themselves married “in God’s eyes,” they’re not in sin—even if they haven’t had a wedding or filed paperwork.

That may be true in some extraordinary cases. It was certainly true for Adam and Eve. I don’t think God gave them a signed marriage license. But here’s the problem:

Once the human population spread, and certainly after the Law of Moses was in place, there’s no biblical model for a private, undefined, or vague commitment that substitutes for covenant marriage. The idea of “committed but unmarried” simply doesn’t appear in Scripture.

Besides, if you’re truly committed, why not marry?

By its nature, marriage is supposed to be a public commitment, not simply a private one. It lets family, friends, and the community overall know that you are (as the saying goes) “spoken for” and that your spouse is now your top priority relationship. It establishes clear boundaries around your new family unit.

Why wouldn’t you want to make that clear to people?

If the reason is financial or legal, I would humbly and lovingly remind you that Christians are commanded to “render unto Caesar” what “Caesar” is “due” (see Matthew 22:21), “render to all their [the civil authority’s] dues” (see Romans 13:7), and to “submit” to “every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake” (see I Peter 2:13).

Again, there might be extraordinary circumstances (study and meditate on Acts 5:29) where it’s justified to disobey or not cooperate with civil authorities, but (as a general rule) we should be cooperative, good citizens – in every area of our lives, including our marriages.

Not Just Rules—Theology

At its core, biblical sexual ethics are rooted in theology:

• Marriage reflects Christ’s covenant with the Church.
• Sexual union mirrors the unity and exclusivity of that relationship.
• Holiness isn’t just about restraint; it’s about reverence for something sacred.

The Bible doesn’t single out premarital sex to shame people. It places sex within marriage to honor people—to protect hearts, families, and communities.

That last point isn’t minor. Please don’t brush past it.

Marriage is intended by God to be a safe space of complete intimacy and oneness. Thus, unless the marriage is coerced or one of the spouses is (or becomes) ungodly and abusive, marriage is the safest place for marital intimacy to take place. And when I say “safest place,” I don’t just mean physical safety. I am talking about physical, emotional, and spiritual safety.

God’s design for marriage (including His restrictions on premarital sex) is logical and reasonable.

The Pushback

Some argue the Bible’s sexual ethics are outdated. They’ll point to changing cultural norms, increased cohabitation, and shifting definitions of marriage.

But truth isn’t defined by trends.

Others argue that Jesus never explicitly condemned premarital sex. But Jesus didn’t explicitly address bestiality or incest either. That doesn’t mean He endorsed them. He affirmed the sexual ethic already established in Scripture and expanded it—calling His followers not just to avoid sin, but to live in purity of heart.

Grace and Truth

This isn’t about shame. It’s about clarity. I hope I’ve made that clear.

If you know me, especially if you attend Olney Baptist Church, we work hard NOT to cultivate a culture of judgmentalism or shame when it comes to matters such as premarital sex, unwed pregnancy, separation, divorce, and more. We strive to be loving to all, and (if we must err) to err on the side of grace.

So, what you do with this information is between you and God. But I would be remiss in my calling if I didn’t teach the truth as I understand it. Thus, I hope all of us to reflect on the following truth…

God’s design for sex isn’t arbitrary. It’s beautiful. It’s purposeful. And it’s protective.

Sex belongs in marriage. That’s not my rule or some church or denominational rule.

It’s God’s design.

And God’s way is always the best way.

Thank you for Reading!
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