Is It Okay to Be Rude or Disrespectful (At Least Sometimes)?

There is an ongoing debate in Christian circles about whether it’s necessary to be “nice.” There are also, at the same time, a lot of non-Christians who wonder why Christians aren’t always as “nice” or as “loving” as they feel Christians should be.

Let’s go to the Bible and see what it says:

• The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. (Proverbs 10:11, KJV)
• The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness. (Proverbs 10:32, KJV)
• Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. (Proverbs 12:25, KJV)
• Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. (Romans 12:10, KJV)
• As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:10, KJV)
• And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32, KJV)
• Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; [f]orbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. (Colossians 3:12-13, KJV)
• Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. (Colossians 4:6, KJV)
• And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, [i]n meekness instructing those that oppose themselves. (II Timothy 2:24-25a, KJV)
• To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men. (Titus 3:2, KJV)

These wisdom sayings and exhortations are, of course, in addition to the second greatest commandment which says we are to love our neighbor and Jesus saying we should even love our enemies! And there’s Paul who tells us in I Corinthians 13 that love is the highest virtue, and John tells us that love brings us into alignment with God’s very nature.

It’s pretty clear from Scripture that God’s people are to be loving, kind, compassionate, giving, tenderhearted, encouraging, and gracious to each other — and to all the people in our lives.

But! But! But! Didn’t Jesus clear the Temple of the money-changers!? That wasn’t very kind!

Yes, and…

You ain’t Jesus!

Next?

Wait! Wait! Aren’t we supposed to be like Jesus?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve read or heard Christians cite Jesus cleansing the Temple as a justification for their own scorched-earth rage. Well… guess what…

It doesn’t work that way.

You don’t get to vent your anger because Jesus cleared the Temple of the money changers.

Well, hold on! Doesn’t the Bible say it’s good to “reprove” and “rebuke” one another?

Yes, however…

Most of the commands to rebuke, correct, and exhort are directed toward either parents, mentors, or pastors. Keep that in mind. That’s important because it suggests that rebukes and corrections are best handled within the context of a trustworthy and safe relationship.

But even setting that aside, let’s consider these verses…

Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities. (Psalm 141:5, KJV)

Note that it refers to the “righteous.” When you “smite” (proverbially speaking — or perhaps literally, if you’re smacking your toddler’s hand as he reaches for a hot stove) or “reprove,” you are to do so from a standpoint of RIGHTEOUSNESS. Not from a position of anger or rage.

In the biblical sense, to be “righteous” is to be right with God. If you’re not right with God, don’t be smiting or reproving people! Get yourself right with God first!

And consider this…

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29, KJV)

It says “no corrupt communication.” That means what you say should be pure. No sin should infect your speech. That rules out vulgarity, rudeness, disrespect, gossip, slander, and all that! And what you say should be “good to the use of edifying,” meaning that it should help and build up the other person.

And note the “grace” part. We are supposed to minister (which means to serve) GRACE to the person to whom we’re talking. Our words should serve up GRACE!

Wait a minute! Some of the prophets and apostles weren’t always nice and polite.

First… are you a prophet or apostle?

Second…not everything recorded in the Bible is endorsed by the Bible. So, for example, we read about Nehemiah pulling out people’s beards at one point. That doesn’t mean we’re supposed to do that! The Bible is just being honest about what happened.

Third…even when the Bible holds up a prophet, judge, priest, apostle, or pastor doing something that may strike some peope as not nice, remember this… the Bible isn’t necessarily saying you need to be “nice” all the time. At least not in the shallow, sickly sweet kind of way.

We need to speak the truth. Sometimes, that means saying things that people don’t want to hear. But…

We are to speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).

But…but….

There are no “buts” to this!

Yes, we all have bad days. And we can sometimes mess up, fall short, and sin. I do. I mess up. And when I do, I need to apologize to the one I’ve hurt so we can move on.

I’m not writing this to judge anyone or to deny anyone’s humanity. I’m writing this to make sure we don’t change the biblical standard to suit our fallen condition. Yes, we’re human. But that doesn’t give us a pass to get comfortable in our sin or shortcomings. We should always strive to be more Christ-like.

And in this case, that means…

Love people and be kind, gracious, and compassionate to them.

Whether we’re talking about how we interact with other church members, people on social media, drivers on the road, relatives at a family get-together…or whatever…

We are to represent Christ. We are to be loving, kind, gentle, caring, forgiving, and compassionate. So, let’s get to it!

God bless you!