A 46-year-old man named John was having doubts. He grew up in a Bible-believing Christian church that, for over 20 years, had (in his own words) “been a big, valued part of my life.” As he explains it: “I attended weekly, got involved with leadership, went on over 30 church retreats, and developed a personal relationship with the head minister and several associate ministers.” But, after observing some contradictions and hypocrisies, his doubts and disenchantment led him to drift away.
Then, he was invited to a Bible study geared apparently towards young people but was touted “as a place to ask, and get answers to, any Bible-related questions in a relaxed atmosphere over bagels and coffee.” He didn’t want to go but reluctantly agreed.
This was during the Christmas season because the associate pastor leading the discussion was teaching from Luke 2 when the angels appeared to the shepherds. Now, this is when things went South. I’ll let John tell it:
“Coincidently, that week I had just watched a History Channel special that examined the birth of Jesus as presented in the Bible. It included expert commentary from Bible scholars, anthropologists, historians, and clergy leaders who all agreed that most Biblical stories, like the one the minister just read to us, were just that… stories, and shouldn’t be taken literally as fact.”
So…when the pastor asked for questions, John asked the following…
“Yeah, about what you just read… Is it true?”
According to John, the associate pastor “reacted like I just threw a glass of water in his face.” He and everyone in the room froze and a hush came over the Bible study. John explained that his question was driven by the documentary he had seen, but the only answer he got that day was something along the lines of Pilate’s famous question: “What is truth?”
A month later, John got a letter from the church telling him he was too old for the “Bagels & Bibles” group (since it was apparently a Young Adult group). John was 46. The group’s cut-off, the letter explained, was 40.
That formally ended John’s time with the church he grew up in. And it ended John’s association with Christianity. He went on to produce a documentary titled Leaving God. You can read the full story in John’s words at this link.
If you follow the above link, you’ll see that the article is published on Medium — an online platform that is heavily populated by men and women who have left churches and Christianity itself. John’s story is one of many you’ll find on the site, but they all have a common theme…
- Person grows up in church
- Person gets upset and/or disenchanted with problems he/she sees in church AND/OR
- Person is upset or outraged at things he/she hears in said church or reads in the Bible
- Person wrestles with his/her doubts and disenchantment until…
- Person leaves the church and possibly faith itself
A recurring trope in all of these stories is that the disenchanted person looks within themselves (or to others having similar doubts and feelings) for answers rather than diligently seeking after God (see Hebrews 11:6).
I’ll have more to say in future articles about how illogical and counter-productive it is to look within oneself for answers to questions, problems, and confusion that you personally do not have the answer(s) to or for. And never will. Oh, and other people don’t have all the answers either.
But that’s for another article. For now, let me say this…
Here’s a situation where a person with doubts came to a Bible study. Yes, this person was pressured. But the person came nevertheless. He came in good faith. He asked a polite and reasonable question since the entire study was geared toward questions. And what happens?
The leader completely botched the opportunity because he clearly wasn’t prepared for it.
Rather than own that mistake and reach out to John, instead… this leader (and the other leaders) send a (literal) “Dear John” letter telling him not to come back.
Wow! I mean. Wow!
This kind of thing DRIVES ME CRAZY!
It infuriates me!
Now, I understand there are appropriate times (and inappropriate times) for people to raise questions. If I’m attending a Sunday morning worship service, I’m not going to interrupt the service and start peppering the pastor with questions. Nor should you.
But this wasn’t a service. It was a Bible study and a discussion group. Questions were appropriate. Not only appropriate. they were requested and encouraged!
This is why every church needs apologetics. I’m not saying that every senior or associate pastor (or everyday Christian) needs to be an expert in apologetics, but…
Every church needs to have at least a clue about apologetics.
I guess I should pause here and define that term.
The term apologetics stems from the Greek word ἀπολογία, which means “speaking in defense.”
I contend that every church needs to train and equip its members (and especially its leaders) to be able to “speak in defense” of at least the basics of the Christian faith.
A spiritually mature believer in Christ — especially a church leader– should be able to (at least at a basic, elementary level) explain what they believe and why they believe it.
At the very least, every church needs to have some apologetics books available in its library and needs to have some apologists or apologetics ministries to which they can refer people with questions.
There ARE answers to questions that people like John raise.
What should have happened here is that this church’s leaders should be better prepared to answer such questions. I mean…how hard is it to say something like….?
“Thank you. That’s a great question. I believe what the Bible says about the angels and the shepherds is true. I know there are intelligent people out there who disagree, but I take the Bible seriously. I trust the Holy Spirit who inspired it.”
And if the person starts asking details about specific things in that documentary, the leader can say…
“I didn’t see that documentary. I’d be happy to try to catch the replay or find it online if you can tell me the name of it and we can schedule a follow-up to discuss it more. In the meantime, I have a book I’d like to recommend. If I get you a copy, will you read it?”
And then get them a copy of one of the many outstanding books out there by Christians who specialize in evidence for the reliability of the Scriptures (or wherever the person in question is having doubts).
How hard is that!!??
And to send him a letter asking him not to come back? Are you kidding me!??
If you’re going to strictly enforce age limits like that, then don’t invite someone in the first place until you verify his or her age! And if things reach a point where you have to “reassign” someone from one group to another (due to some situation like age)…. and may I pause here to say that I’m not sure churches should be that detail-obsessed or legalistic but anyway…if it comes to that… handle it with more tact and love than a “Dear John” letter.
Yes, I know there are some troublemakers and trolls out there. I run into them all the time–mainly online. And I know that churches have to take steps to protect the health, safety, and environment of their church. But, based on how John explained the situation, I don’t see him as trying to cause trouble. He asked a question when the leader opened up the discussion for questions. That’s not being a trouble-maker. That’s being a participant.
If a leader can’t handle participation like that, that leader shouldn’t be a leader.
I’m not saying that John’s drift from church and the faith was entirely this church’s fault. Each person is responsible for his or her own choices. Nevertheless…
It’s SPIRITUAL MALPRACTICE for a church to handle such questions the way this one apparently did.
If people can’t come to church with questions about God or the Bible, where can they go?
God help us!
We need to do better.
For more on this topic, check out…
