Why Me? What Did I Do to Deserve This?

Years ago, while in my twenties, I was pushing my mother through a hospital in a wheelchair. My mother was a godly woman and she suffered more than she deserved. Why would God let a woman who had been so faithful to Him suffer as much as my mom?

This thought exacerbated the angst I was already feeling. Life wasn’t turning out the way I hoped and that part of me expected. I had such big dreams and aspirations coming out of high school. Then, college hit. And I struggled. Many of those struggles were of my own making, thanks to a lack of focus and discipline. But many were not.

It took me 8 years to get my 4-year degree. During that time, my dad suddenly died of a heart attack. He was 49. My sister, who is severely autistic, was institutionalized. My mother’s health declined. And her depression worsened.

And I got married.

I wasn’t ready for marriage. I hadn’t even fully grown up. I was living in a whirlwind of stress, anxiety, insecurity, loss, and disappointment. And so my marriage struggled a bit in the early years.

I tried a home-based business. That failed. I tried running for office. I had always wanted to get elected. Why not try? Well, that didn’t work out either.

From my twenties to early thirties, I hopped several jobs — always trying to get something better. More money. A better title. A nicer office. I was never happy. I didn’t find fulfillment in any of my jobs.

And here I am, watching my mother suffer.

Was that what my life was going to be too?

Suffering.

Loss.

Disappointment.

Really? Really, God? Is THAT what you have to offer?

For a couple of years, my wife and I didn’t go to church much. I had lost interest. I remember confessing to a couple of my friends…

What good is God? What has He done for me?

To make a long story short, God woke me up when I got to my early thirties and lost a job. I was laid off from a non-profit. It was actually the second job I had lost that I thought might turn into something great. All of my jobs had been a disappointment. And then…

When I lost my job with the non-profit in Falls Church, God and I had a heart-to-heart. It was during this time that I sensed God say: “You don’t know me well enough to be mad at me.”

And I also recognized I really hadn’t been living for God as I should. Sure, I was generally living a moral life. I prayed (some). I had gone to church most of my life. I believed the “right things.” I loved my family. And all that.

And I thought I knew the Bible. I really didn’t.

I really hadn’t been walking with the Lord. I had only been half-heartedly and inconsistently living like a Christian and then disappointed when life didn’t pan out the way I wanted.

In my early thirties, unemployed, and searching for a new job…

I rededicated my life to the Lord.

And I made a commitment (with my wife) that we would resume tithing when God gave me a new job – whatever that job would be.

Through a variety of interesting circumstances (something that will have to be the subject of another article), God led me into full-time Christian ministry. He led me (through a series of very interesting conversations and “coincidences”) to teach high school at my alma mater: Bethlehem Baptist Christian Academy (BBCA).

Here’s the kicker. Through all my frustrations in the workforce, I had actually dreamed of getting into teaching — specifically teaching history. And guess what?

I was hired to teach history, government, and geography at BBCA. The next year, Bible was added.

I fell in love with teaching. I loved the kids. Loved the subject matter. Loved teaching. And felt God work through me.

And over the course of my 4 years at BBCA, God made it clear He wanted me in full-time ordained Gospel ministry. I was ordained in 2005.

The same year my mom died.

My mom’s decline in health (which led to her death) and my surrendering to be a pastor (and my taking of seminary classes) opened up some of those doubts and anxieties I had pushed to the back burner. This time, my doubts were combined with intellectual doubts.

I was introduced to all the skepticism and criticism that is routinely aimed at the Bible. I read and listened to several atheists, agnostics, and progressives who attacked, disparaged, challenged, and questioned the Bible and Christianity from multiple angles.

I was confused, stressed, and uncertain.

My mom’s death and my opportunity to preach at her funeral were the catalysts that re-confirmed my faith. I didn’t have all my questions answered but I purposed in my heart that I was taking my stand with Jesus.

God called me to Ohio where I pastored a wonderful congregation for 3 years, and then back to the DC area where I currently serve as the pastor of Olney Baptist Church in Montgomery County, Maryland.

Jane and I are going strong. This is our 31st year of marriage. Both of our children are now adults — one is married and the other is in college.

Do we still have problems and challenges? Yes. Is life still sometimes unfair? Absolutely. Do I wish I could go back and do some things differently? Sure.

But I’ve learned a few things over the years, and here they are (in no particular order):

Life is messy
We will have problems in this life.
You cannot avoid all pain and suffering. You can minimize much of it through wisdom, self-discipline, and responsible living, but you can’t avoid pain and suffering completely. They are a part of life.
Living your life based on feelings is a foolish way to live.
Basing your faith on feelings is likewise a foolish way to live.
Things won’t always turn out as you want or expect — and that’s okay.
There will be ups and downs in life. Don’t lose hope in the valleys and don’t get too comfortable in the mountains.
Don’t let your imagination make things worse than they are.
Don’t base your faith on your feelings. Base it on the promises of God.
Don’t base your worldview or your faith on public opinion or the opinions of your friends (or even family). People can be wrong.
History has shown that majorities are often wrong.
Never give up on God.
The evidence for God’s existence is clear, unmistakable, overwhelming, and right in front of us. It takes more effort and energy to deny God’s existence than to accept it.
Don’t judge God or get mad at God if you haven’t even made the time and invested the energy in getting to know God. At least get to know Him – truly know Him – before you let yourself be mad at Him. (Spoiler: You’ll find that the more you know and understand Him, the less angry you’ll be).
Don’t think that going to church once a week or praying over meals qualifies as seeking God’s face and truly getting to know Him. It takes more than that.
Do you really love God? Really? Do you know what love means?
And do you trust God? Do you trust Him even when life doesn’t make sense?
Do you understand that there is more to life and reality than what you can see, touch, feel, hear, and taste? That the stuff you can’t experience with your physical senses is actually greater and more important than what you can?
Do you know your life here on this earth right now is just a blip on the screen of eternity? That you will spend more “time” in eternity — a LOT more! – than you will here?
You exist for God – not for you.

I understand life can sometimes be unfair. Very unfair. I get it. And so does God. It wasn’t “fair” that Jesus had to go to the cross for you and for me. But He did. And because He did, you can’t say that God doesn’t care about you or that He doesn’t love you. He proved it by dying for you.

God loves you, but…

This is a messed-up world. And we will suffer in it. At least some of the time. It’s hard to survive and make a living. It’s even harder to thrive. Nature can be cruel. Other people can be mean. Bad things happen. Life can be unfair.

You will suffer.

The Bible itself makes this clear:

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. (Romans 8:22)

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. (Genesis 3:16-19)

In the world ye shall have tribulation. (John 16:33b)

Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. (Romans 5:12)

I could keep going with Bible verses. There are many. We will suffer. And so…

Rather than asking: “Why me?” — we should ask “Why NOT me?”

Why are you so special that you get to skip through life with nothing bad happening to you? Yes, some people have it tougher than others. But no one gets a problem-free life. No one. Rather than get mad that you have problems, thank God that you don’t have more. And then ask Him how you should navigate through the problems in your life and how you can glorify Him in them.

Oh, and the sufferings of this life aren’t the whole story! I gave you part of John 16:33 above. Here’s the rest of the verse:

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

And there’s also this from Paul…

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)

Get out your Bible and start reading. If you haven’t read much in your Bible lately, and if you’re struggling right now with your faith and/or with the rigors of life, I recommend you read the following books and passages:

Genesis 1:1-3
Psalms
Proverbs
Gospel of John
Romans 8
Philippians
James
I John

And then go to Matthew 1 and read through the entire New Testament. And then…

Go back to Genesis 1 and read the entire Bible cover-to-cover.

Then make Bible reading a regular, daily habit.

Also, make prayer a daily habit. Not simply perfunctory, quick prayers. There’s a time for those. But make intentional, devoted prayer a part of your life — a time when you just want to seek God’s face and spend time with Him.

You should also incorporate fasting into your prayer life. Show God that you’re willing to make sacrifices for Him. There are plenty of resources out there on fasting. And…

Make church a regular part of your life. At the very least, you should gather with your church family every Sunday. But also consider Bible studies during the week.

God is awesome. And He loves you. And He wants to spend time with you. And…

You need Him.

You can’t get through this life with purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment without Him.

May He bless you, comfort you, and guide you as you draw closer to Him.

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