Nothing matters more than a person’s relationship with God. And if you truly care for a friend or family member, nothing should matter to you more than that person’s relationship with God. But how can we lovingly share our faith in Christ with those we love – hopefully without straining or destroying that relationship?
Here are a few principles to keep in mind when it comes to sharing your faith with others:
Love comes first
Everything must start from, and flow from, love. If love isn’t the foundation, context, and spirit of any spiritual conversation that you have with someone else … you’re doing it wrong.
Remember that it was God’s love for us that makes salvation possible.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16, KJV)
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8, KJV)
And it is love which is supposed to drive our relationship with everyone in our lives:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (or love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. (I Corinthians 13:1-3, KJV)
If there’s any question as to the meaning of love, read the remainder of I Corinthians 13. Love is not a feeling. It’s a commitment. It’s an investment in the good of the other.
Do you really care about the person?
And does the person know you care about them?
Or does the person think that you’re just trying to convert them — for your own agenda?
There’s much truth in the adage:
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Never talk about God without first praying to God
Why have a spiritual conversation with someone and ignore the spiritual dimension to reality itself? You shouldn’t talk to someone about God without first praying to God.
Not only is it appropriate to consult God before talking about Him, but it’s also essential that God be the One drawing your loved one to Himself. A person, in his or her natural and sinful state, is not capable of understanding God, much less entering into a relationship with Him, without God first drawing that person to Himself.
Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. (I Corinthians 2:12-14, KJV)
No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day. (John 6:44, KJV)
You need to pray for your loved one (and not just once or twice — but, as part of your continued prayers before Him) before you talk with your loved one about God.
And then you may need to wait on God for some time before the right opportunity comes to approach that loved one. How long? Only God can answer that, because there are a million variables to consider, such as that person’s background, the quality of your relationship with that person, the level of trust between the two of you, and so much more.
It’s also possible that God may want someone else to talk with your loved one. Again, there are a million variables, but one possibility is that your loved one may have questions that someone else is more equipped to answer.
The main thing to keep in mind is to trust God and not get ahead of Him.
Do not rely on scare tactics
God is real. The Bible is true. And therefore, I believe in both heaven and hell. But I also know that the Bible has been used a lot as a battering ram and religion (in general, but including Christianity) has been used to control or coerce too many people over the years.
And one of the ways this has been accomplished is by threatening people with hell.
Having grown up in a very theologically conservative, even fundamentalist, Baptist environment, I can hear the objections now. What about those old hellfire-and-brimstone revivals? What about Jonathan Edwards’ “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God?” And so on.
Context is important.
First, Edwards spoke a lot in his pastoral career about love, heaven, and angels. But most people have forgotten that — and instead, focus on this one sermon that helped trigger the First Great Awakening. Yes, it was a significant (and needy) message. But it was also timely. And that’s the key.
Edwards understood the needs of the day. When Jonathan Edwards preached his famous sermon, he was addressing listeners who professed belief in God and the Bible but were content to live essentially as cultural Christians, checking the appropriate boxes but otherwise going on about their lives. They were taking the grace of God and their relationship with Him for granted.
And for much of American history, including those famous tent revivals of the 19th and 20th centuries, preachers and evangelists faced similar audiences.
If you’re having a conversation with someone who believes in God, generally believes in the Bible, but who hasn’t accepted Christ because of (say) apathy or rebellion, then a little Jonathan Edwards hellfire-and-brimstone may be appropriate — depending on the leading of the Holy Spirit and your relationship with that person. (Remember, Edwards was invited to preach that sermon and the crowd willingly came to hear it! Some Christians tend to forget those important historical details).
However, our culture in North America today is very different from the 1700s. Honestly, it’s much different from the 1900s – even the latter 1900s!
You have to be sensitive to your audience — the needs of your audience as well as the fears and suspicions of your audience. As Paul put it:
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you. (I Corinthians 9:19-23, KJV)
I’m not saying you should deny reality or question the teachings of the Bible. But, for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ, please…
Know your audience and lead with love. Don’t push with fear.
Stick to the basics
We live in an age of lots of information, misinformation, conflict, and confusion. And religion is a topic that gets people’s defenses up and gets them riled up. So, don’t complicate the gospel of Jesus Christ by hanging a lot of unnecessary ornaments on the proverbial Christmas tree.
Keep the main thing the main thing.
The Bible is rich and robust, but the message of salvation is simple. And it can be summed up in this verse:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16, KJV)
If you need more, check out the Romans Road to salvation.
Don’t over-complicate it.
Yes, there are lots of doctrines in Christianity and lots of important issues, but start with the basics. Start with whether the person believes in God, understands their need for God, and is willing to put their trust in the Son of God so they can have everlasting life with God.
Keep things basic.
Ask questions
As the late Stephen Covey said: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
The best way to understand where your loved one is in their beliefs is to ask them. Don’t assume. Don’t second-guess. Don’t over-analyze. Just ask them. And then listen to them.
Don’t make the conversation a battle. It’s not a confrontation. It shouldn’t be. If your motive is right (see the first point on love), then you’re not trying to “win.” You’re not trying to score points or make yourself feel good or defeat them or anything like that.
At least you shouldn’t be.
The goal is to have a friendly conversation with the person about what they believe and what you believe. And then you put the differences on the table and constructively unpack them and discuss them — not in a confrontational way, but a friendly way.
And it may be that YOU can learn a thing or two (or three or more) from that person.
If they ask questions for which you don’t have an answer… it’s okay. Be honest and admit that. Thank them for challenging you with that question. And offer to get back to them after you’ve done some study on that.
Remember: It’s just a conversation between loved ones. It’s not a contest. It’s a conversation.
Oh, and if the conversation veers from faith to the kids and then to the ball game, before coming back to faith… That’s okay. Don’t be impatient. Don’t force anything. Let the conversation drift a little. Let the conversation be organic.
Relax and just love the person. And enjoy spending time with them.
Create a safe environment
This should be a safe conversation for both of you. And that means…
Keep your emotions and ego out of it. Keep it friendly and conversational.
Try to limit the number of people in that conversation. Look for the right opportunity. Don’t corner them or put them in a position where they feel like they have to defend their reputation or worry what others may think about them. Try to create a safe, private environment.
You can also keep things safe by making sure you genuinely care for the other person and that you want to learn more about them (if you don’t know them super well) or about their thought process and where they are at this stage in life.
Don’t judge them. God is their judge. Not you.
Keep things friendly and safe.
God is the “Closer,” not you
Remember that the decision to adopt someone into God’s family is God’s, not yours. You are empowered (by God) to invite people. But you have no control over what people do with that invitation.
You are to tell people about Jesus, but not to force people to accept Jesus, so…
Do not pressure or coerce the other person in any way to make a decision that you want them to make.
This is among the reasons I’m a big believer in religious freedom. No government or group should force someone else to accept Christ or walk with God a certain way. A person’s relationship with God is between that person and God.
So, create a safe environment and don’t try to be a “closer” (to use a sales term). Remember…
I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. (I Corinthians 3:6-7, KJV)
Your job is to plant and water seeds. God takes care of the rest.
God bless you.
