Of those who remain affiliated with the United Methodist Church, the denomination that goes back to John Wesley, most are overjoyed that their denomination last week redefined marriage, while “removing the last barriers to full equality of LGBTQ+ members in the life of the church.”
These series of votes at the 2024 United Methodist General Conference in Charlotte, N.C. capped many years of intense debate and division, which saw some UMC churches openly defying denominational policies and others exiting the denomination altogether. Indeed, it was the mass exodus of moderate and conservative UMC congregations over the last few years that made last week’s victory for LGBTQ+ Methodists possible.
In an opinion piece for MSNBC, Guthrie Graves-Fitzsimmons praised the conference votes as an “important moment in the broader cultural shift toward LGBTQ acceptance and affirmation.”
I believe that, on that point, he is correct.
The thing is, I have questions.
I realize that, in milestone moments like this, people aren’t supposed to have questions. Or concerns. I mean, how can anyone have a problem with more inclusion and more love, right?
But I do have questions.
And these questions are NOT driven by any bigotry or any phobia. I am not writing to affirm, endorse, or encourage homophobia, transphobia, or any form of fear or hatred.
Those who know me know I like to smile and encourage people. I strive to love everybody. I want everyone to feel welcome. And I’m friendly and cordial to anyone God puts in my life — including people who don’t agree with me on politics or religion.
When I see people hug and celebrate, my instinct is to want to be a part of that. When I see people talk about how hurt they’ve been, I hurt with them.
Jesus said “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (He was quoting, of course, from the Law of Moses). I believe that includes my Black neighbor, Hispanic neighbor, Asian neighbor, female neighbor, teenage neighbor, trans neighbor, gay neighbor, atheist neighbor, Muslim neighbor, loud music-playing neighbor, and my neighbor who roots for the Dallas Cowboys.
We should love everyone. And…
We should affirm the dignity of everyone.
And, so…
I want to say to everyone reading this — whether you are gay, straight, trans, Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, African, American, Russian, Ukrainian, Palestinian, Israeli, Democrat, Republican, Jewish, Muslim, whatever — God loves you and I love you. (I may fall short at times or drop the ball, but my default, thanks to God’s grace, is to love you and everyone in my life — and that’s what I strive to do).
There is no “but” to any of the above. No equivocation. No reversal. No “but” at all. Only some questions. Starting with the most basic of all questions…
What is love?
Seriously, what is love?
The Bible gives an answer to that. Read I Corinthians 13. The Bible also provides an example of love. See Jesus. And I love the succinct definition given by Thomas Aquinas: “To love is to will the good of the other.” That’s the essence of John’s wish for Gaius in 3 John 2: “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”
Is that your understanding of love?
If not, what is love to you? Tell us in the comments.
Assuming your understanding of love lines up with the biblical definition of love, then will you answer the following questions (please)?
- Can a person love you and yet disagree with you?
- Can a person love you and yet disapprove of what you are doing?
- Should a person love you or God more?
- Isn’t our identity supposed to be based on what our Creator says as opposed to what we say?
- If we do love God, shouldn’t we obey God?
- Is it possible that, by obeying God, we have to make some sacrifices?
- On that note, is it possible that we may have to deny ourselves some of our inclinations, pleasures, wants, even what we consider to be needs, as part of our love for and commitment to God?
- If you said “no” to the preceding question, how do you explain the story of the rich young ruler?
- Who determines what is right and true? You or God?
- Jesus defined marriage as one man and one woman (see Matthew 19:4-6). Was Jesus a homophobe? Was Jesus on the wrong side of history?
- When you consider all of Jesus’ teachings (not just about marriage, but also about the broad and narrow paths), was He inclusive?
- Do you agree with any of the Bible’s teachings on sex and marriage? If so, which ones? And how do you decide which are worthy of obedience and which aren’t?
- When it comes to the Bible, do you consider it to be inspired Scripture?
- What’s your exegetical or interpretative framework when it comes to reading and understanding the Bible?
- Do you think it’s acceptable for a Christian who claims to love and follow God to disagree with or disobey the Bible?
As a human being who wants to please people and who wants people to see me in a positive light, I want to celebrate what the UMC just did. As a person who wants to make others feel good, I likewise want to celebrate and be a part of the happiness many are feeling as a result of the latest UMC decision.
As a person who doesn’t like conflict and who just wants everyone to be happy and to smile, I (emotionally speaking) want to affirm and celebrate everyone in the path of my life. I do NOT want to say anything negative or disapproving. I want to avoid conflict. I just want good feelings.
Here’s the thing…
Is that love?
Is it really?
That’s not the love that God shows us. You see, God is able to love us and disapprove of what we’re doing. Read this verse…read it slowly….
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8, KJV
God loved us and yet was honest about our state — our state being that we were “sinners.” For God to deny sin would have been for God to deny the truth. And can a person be dishonest and deny the truth and yet still be acting truly in accordance with love?
If a parent just affirms and celebrates everything her child does (regardless of what that may be), is that love? Or is that something else?
And here’s another question…
Aren’t we supposed to love God?
Would any professing Christian — Methodist, Catholic, Anglican, Baptist, whatever — deny that we’re supposed to love God?
Okay, then what about affirming God?
What about affirming God’s identity and God’s beliefs and God’s standards?
Does God have a right to opinions and standards? What about affirming God?
Does God determine what’s right and wrong? Or is God somehow obligated to cater to each human being’s desires?
Ultimately, someone has to be supreme. Someone has to be on the throne. Are you more qualified to be God than God Himself?
We show our love for God by accepting Him as God and by affirming Him as such.
Do you do that? Or do you demand that God (and His followers) affirm you?
If you believe the UMC was correct in reversing its historic orthodoxy on marriage, sexuality, and identity, then on what grounds do you base that? Your standards? Society’s standards?
Is this where we are? That denominations and churches decide moral truth by majority vote?
These questions aren’t meant to ostracize, marginalize, or “other” anybody. If you’re reading this, I affirm your dignity and worth — regardless of your gender or sexual identity or any other factor or consideration. And I want to convey nothing but 3 John 2 sentiments your way.
In fact, when it comes to the public square, the marketplace, the workplace, and social circles, I have no problem welcoming and interacting in a positive manner with people of all shapes and sizes — and people of all different backgrounds and beliefs. This article is about theology and the church.
I also want to acknowledge that Christians can be very inconsistent when it comes to judging others for not following God’s path. If you’re a Christian, please be honest and admit that churches have allowed a lot of compromise in their pews long before last week’s Methodist vote.
I’m simply asking honest questions from an honest heart.
Please believe that. Indeed, I would prefer to not write this article, but it’s in the news and members of the church I serve are curious about it. I don’t like wading into intense controversies like this, especially when I know people have been deeply hurt. Years ago, I remember being in an intense meeting and someone saying: “I just want everyone to hug.” That’s my heart. That’s what I want!
And yet…
Jesus said: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15, KJV)
But if we can ignore, amend, modify, or change Jesus’ commandments, then don’t they stop being His commandments? Don’t they start becoming “our” commandments?
Can’t you see that, at some point, we’re not really obeying Jesus any longer? We’re just obeying ourselves.
If that’s the way you want to go, I believe in religious freedom (at least in the civic context). And I will strive to love you even though we follow different paths. I hope you will extend to me the same tolerance and courtesy.
All I ask is that you be honest about the path you are on. Please don’t claim to be following God when you’re just following yourself — or your “tribe.”
If you say you are following God, then follow God.
And part of that means diligently seeking God’s face and what God says. It should matter more to you what God says about gender, sex, marriage, and all other related topics than about a vote or series of votes taken by a denominational conference in Charlotte, North Carolina.
I want to know what God says, because…
God is always right. And His way is always the best way.
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